It's not about me

It's not about me...that is a funny saying...I never suspected it was ever about me. I was brought up to believe it was about other people. Their needs and desires came first. If there was anything left of your money, time or energy after others had been seen to, then you could be concerned with yourself.
Where did that go? Churches are often all about them, not about God.
Society is mostly about itself, not other societies.
People are more concerned with what they want, not what they can do for others.
Maybe that is a generational thing and I am out of step, but it seems to me that a large part of our economic problems stem from people just thinking about what they want.

Sight

I guess I always thought that I could survive anything if I could see well enough to read. I still think that. Today Bill had cataract surgery, allowing him to have very good vision in both eyes now. It is possible he may not need glasses anymore, but I think he will. Still his eyes are better than they have been for 50 years.
I wish my cataract surgery had been that successful, but then I have a different problem with my eyes than he does. Still, what I can see, I see clearly...not blurry like with cataracts. I will probably always complain about mine and the added information that I am in the process of macular degeneration keeps me grateful for the vision I have. If the macular stays the dry variety, I will be ok. If it moves to the wet kind then we will have a big problem, so I am hopeful and trusting that it will not become wet.
If you cannot see you miss the sunsets, the beautiful smiles, the colors of the flowers, the pictures of exciting events of your loved ones lives.
However, with technology as it is, I know you can hear books and tv can be enjoyed without seeing. Guide dogs are great and I suppose it would be a new adventure. Still, I hope I don't have to deal with it, but I know it would not be the worst thing in the world. So I will be happy and grateful for what I have and thank God for his blessings.

old friends

They say old friends are the best, but that is not really true. They are just old. We went to Bill's 60th class reunion and it was just a gathering of old people trying not to look old. Out of 126 graduates there were 76 left and of the ones that came, I didn't see any oxygen tanks, walkers, or even canes. I guess they just stayed home. We ran into traffic so were a bit late arriving and everyone was seated at tables. He hardly remembered the three at our table (the rest were spouses or guests) so we looked around for Tom and Lois Ann and a couple more. Found them later during the program. They didn't have much in common because I was determined not to discuss ailments. After a really bad 3 hour program and a great lunch, we had about 15 min to visit. What I know is this. People who loved to hear themselves talk, still love that. Everyone else just wanted to go home. And so it was. Maybe in another 5 years we will go again and it will begin to be a survival game!!
I don't think I will go to my next one. Friends from your middle years are best. So enjoy them and keep them handy.

Hectic

Here I am, all strung out over things I don't need to string out over. Just need to prioritize, organize and agonize. Perhaps I should leave out the last 'ize'.
I wonder why we let ourselves get all worked up and in a panic over things we just need to either do, put off or let go of.
So, work needs to be done today and I will make a list of those things I have to do, should do and can put off.
Then I will wait for Martha and figure out what to do once she gets here, no sense in making 5 contingency plans as I am sure none of them will work out like I think.
Then I will put off my preparations for reading week, because I have a few days to accomplish that task and need to have my wits about me and my full power of concentration.
I will put off until saturday night my sunday school lesson preparation because I can get it done in one evening.
I will call Tom again to wish him happy birthday, since I missed him early this morning.
I won't bother the family with phone calls or emails unless it is really important, as they will get in touch if there is trouble or great joy.
Already it seems more manageable. I think I will make it!!
Thanks

Tests

The other day, a friend said I should take the Myers Briggs (maybe that isn't the correct last name) personality test. I am always up for a test, so I did. And what did I find out? What you already know. I am an extrovert, judgemental person who likes to play by the rules and make decisions and then act on them. What a surprise!! What did surprise me was that during the question answering I found myself thinking about what I was saying. Do I really think rules are more important than the effect they cause. Am I really so scared of diversity from the norm? Will I really stand up and fight for what it says in the 'book' rather than for what I can see might be a better way? Apparently I am. I don't know why, perhaps I am afraid of chaos. That must be it. I like a well ordered dependable way of doing things. Strange, since I am sort of a maverick (to use a phrase I am coming to hate). But I like my change to be orderly.
Must be why my desk is always neat and my house always picked up and tidy!!!!! Now, there is a conundrum! So, are those kind of tests valid or do we manipulate them to say what we think of ourselves or wish we were.
Ah, well, that is a thorny question and I wish it were the most difficult of the day, but I suspect it is but a gracenote on the day. Here now and gone as soon as you click this off your computer.
Have a good day thinking about more important matters.

Who's on first?

Do you ever have days when you don't know who's on first and then get to the point you don't even care? Well, I am there today. Every plan I had for the week has gone astray and every issue I care about is at 6's and 7's. Now, I don't even care. I will just let God get me through it and let the chips fall where they may. Probably it will all work out better than the way I had it planned.
So, I will be gone tomorrow afternoon, then I will be going to Wichita wed and thurs and Martha is coming fri to get her stuff and sat I am going to Dad's 60th class reunion and sunday back home. Then I think I will be home for a week before Peter Steinke comes and I leave for Dallas reading week.
I know God has time for me, but I could have saved Him a lot of trouble if I could have done it my way. Well, I tried, but apparently He likes to have His way!!
Shalom

Technology

While it is a force to be reckoned with, sometimes technology is a real pain. Talk about losing control...when we give our lives over to technology I think we have given over control to the tecky gods. (I know that is not the proper spelling) I am sitting here with credit cards I cannot run because the machine I use is probably 20 years old and the support people can't even find the instruction book. It is perfectly functional, but technology has outpaced it and I have been forced to buy a new one. So, I did. Except they didn't deliver it and the nefarious place in the sky that takes my information and translates it into money in my bank account thinks the new machine has been delivered and so has shut down my old faithful machine. Now we get to do the old song and dance again when the bank opens monday. That will take another two days and meanwhile my money is of no use to me.
How many computer pieces and IPods and cell phones can we afford to have sitting around in the way before we yell and make someone find a way to recycle electronic stuff. At least an old tv cabinet could be made into furniture. You can find a way to reuse almost anything but electronic gadgets and we seem to buy more and more of them every day. I am feeling overrun by them and suspect new homes will be built with a room in which to store them. Or perhaps a new and progressive business is out there waiting to be born..."eternal electronic cemetaries", where your beloved IPod can rest in peace. It will never return to dust, so it must not have a soul. The technology gods are a soul-less bunch. Heartless, too. I still love my pen and paper.

CHOCOLATE LOVERS UNITE

What a dastardly deed!~!!! Forget the economy, there is a real crisis in America. Hershey's, that icon, second only to Coke, has fallen!! They have changed their formulas without letting us know. To save money they have taken out the cocoa butter and substituted veggie oil in their chocolate. Of all the sneaky and mean things to do.
The only saving grace for them is that they have NOT altered the flat Hershey bar, Kisses and the peanut butter choc thing, (whatever that is that I don't eat).
Apparently they changed the packages to read "chocolate candy" or "chocolatey" to be legal, but you would not notice if you weren't looking. So, others may take the same road. Be aware, if it is milk chocolate, it must contain cocoa butter. If it does not list it in the ingredients, it is not milk chocolate.
Usually, I prefer the dark choc but I still like a good old fashioned flat hershey bar and that is still safe. But I will be watching.
How dare they, with things like that going on, I have decided that whichever politician takes them on and puts them back on the right track will get my vote. Watch out for apple pie and motherhood...it may be next on the chopping block.
I would happily take a smaller size bar if they will go back to the real thing.

Why I mark up my books.

I was reading the new Presby Outlook today and there was an article on the saving of thousands of trees during GA this summer when everything was sent out electronically. Now, for me, reading on line is difficult. Not just general reading, but serious study and needing to go from one article to another. They stated that educators readily admit that learning is enhanced when a reader underlines, marks, writes in the margin and dog ears pages. I AM VINDICATED!!!!
Thank you, America...I love reading electronically, but not studying. I don't know how the younger generation does that. I am sure they do a lot of skimming and often miss the nuances an author inserts in his work.If I can't dog ear, or write in the margins, or circle, I have trouble going back and finding that certain piece of information that I really wanted to remember. But the biggest reason? I love picking up a book that my mother or grandmother read and finding that little nugget of information hiding in the margin. Gives me a great insight to their thoughts. Brings them close to me for a moment and stirs memories that make me smile. And that is enough of a reason. When you inherit my books, you must look between the covers and see what I really thought and if I left you a special message for the ages.

Baggy Pants

I have to buy Bill a new belt today. He is walking around like a young kid with baggy pants. He takes a step and pulls up his pants. Takes another step and pulls up his pants. I don't know what would happen if he had to run. We are both watching what we eat, but he eats more than I do and he is losing weight and I'm not. I was concerned about it, but the Drs aren't, so guess I should just buy some new clothes for him and be happy for him. I read that it takes 300 more calories to breathe if you have COPD, but I don't recommend it as a dietary measure. So, we are off to the City today so he can go to a Presbytery Budget and Finance Committee meeting. I will take the time to begin studying for the ord exam reading week and I will go buy him a new belt. If you want a smile, just picture him hopping around trying to keep his britches up.

Too Insular

All of us are too insular. We get very concerned about our lives and forget there are others out there that are not as fortunate as ourselves. That happens in our daily lives, our business lives and our church lives and our community lives. I know I am guilty of not taking the time to find a way to utilize the talents of someone that is not at the top of their game. We all forget to find ways to use the marginilized and they often have the best spirit and happiest attitude. When we don't use them and make them part of our life and or organization, we simply miss what could be the best part of our day. I have a customer that drives us all nuts, but she tries and she wants to be part of this world. If I take time to deal with her and give her credit for something she does or says, I find that I have had a few happy moments that I would otherwise have missed. If I take the time or effort to let someone struggle through a task, I often find that I have slowed down enough to enjoy their success and learn something about them and myself.
The world is tipsy just now, and it makes us all jumpy, but if we would take the time to look at the world through their eyes, we would see a different place. Not that we don't have to be concerned and try to help make things better in this world. Maybe we just need to slow down and let the sun shine through and enjoy the work we do, step by step. Then we will appreciate the world we live in and not take it for granted. Then we will find time to say 'thanks for this world'.
Put on a smile today and find someone to make happy by letting them do a good job that you could have done a lot faster and easier. It will refresh you.

What in the World?

What in the world is going on? The most trusted names in financial circles going down. The world turned upside down by war and hatred. The country locked in political battle. The trusted name of Mother Nature turning in some really nasty performances. What is going on?
Probably nothing more than usual. We just get more frightened by the pundits telling us hourly on tv that the world is crashing. We should just keep on with our work and not panic. Keeping our wits about us and doing things that seem intelligent instead of emotional...staying faithful to our family and friends...watching out for those who are hurting and in need...staying strong in our faith...being frugal with the resources we have...praying for those in power. Maybe that will give us strength to get through all this mess without having a meltdown. Shalom

The Big Blow

It appears that Ike was big and bad, but not as big and bad as first thought. Martha made a safe evacuation and I hope her home comes through it safely as well as the church, but I suppose that is asking for a lot. Grateful to have her our of harms way. Becky was inundated with 10" of rain last night and I can't reach her, so just hope she is ok. How many families are worried about their loved ones today and can't find information about them? I watched the wind and rain off and on all night long and I don't know why anyone would stay through all of that. Kind of like going out in the yard to watch the tornado rip down the street a couple of blocks away. We just can't seem to keep our eyes away from disaster. Maybe it is because we are so glad it isn't us. Maybe we are just curious about how bad it can be. Maybe we are just morbid folks, and maybe it is because we are concerned for others in the midst of trouble. Maybe it doesn't matter...maybe that is just how we are.
Anyway, the big blow apparently took a sudden, tiny turn and saved the coastline from the disastrous surge that was expected. Maybe God just tweaked it a bit and hopes we will find time to say thank you.
"Thanks God."

birthdays

Sept is a month of birthdays in my family. My grandmother had a birthday in sept and my brother was born on her birthday. I never quite forgave him for that, because she was so special to me that I couldn't believe she would share her bd with Tom and not me. Of course, I was not a spoiled child!!
Then my first grandchild was born in sept and managed to miss everyones birthday. She was the smart one, didn't play favorites.
My son in law has a sept bd.
So sept people are pretty special to me. Do they all have something in common? Well, they are all Libras and are supposed to be intellectual, have initiative and get things going. Seems to fit them all. Now, all you Libras out there. Get your smart juices flowing and get something started. You may need to find another zodiac partner to finish it because I don't know if you are good at that aspect of life.!!! Happy Birthday

Wishy Washy

Well, there used to be a day when I could make a decision and stick with it and not worry if someone else would like the results. Maybe this is old age, and maybe it is just a litany of poor decisions coming back to haunt me.
I had such a great idea about the Christmas tree skirt and found the perfect fabric for the pattern. Then I began second guessing myself that it would be too big for a table top tree in the bay window. Then I think that Tim might not enjoy the color so much and does she have decorations that would fit with the skirt and on and on and on. Then I decided to make it for myself, but last year I made all those midnight blue stockings and this wouldn't go very well with them and I probably need a blue skirt to match the socks. Now I have almost talked myself out of doing it because I don't know if it is the right thing and a person should be able to choose their own color and pattern for a Christmas tree skirt.
I suppose I will just ask the person who is not supposed to know about this project what color she would prefer and if she wants a table top tree in that bay window. Maybe direct communication would be best. I think this is a result of aging...I don't want to be overbearing (well, not more than usual) and I am not sure I am on the same page with the younger generation. But then again, maybe not.
I think I will have an hour of solid decision making this afternoon. This is nonsense.Brainstorm!!!!!I will buy the fabric and make a quilt of it and if anyone wants it they can have it. Christmas tree skirt is another project. Midnight blue and silver for me and whatever anyone else wants they can have. They just need to give me the colors to use. Done...now, was that so hard?

Christmas yearnings

I am sitting here looking at a pattern for a Christmas tree skirt. I don't have one. I haven't had one for years. Ever since I threw out the one my mother made of red felt and black sequins and beads. I have no idea why she used black beads. She was not like that...red and white or red and green ..that was her. Anyway it began to bug me and I threw it away. But I didn't replace it and now I am thinking about making one that has a choir of angels on it and there is a mantle cover to match it. Well, here's the rub. Amy needs that for one of the trees and mantles in Stillwater. So I still won't have one. If she doesn't read this, she won't know it and then I can surprise her. But if I make one for her, why wouldn't it be just as easy to make one for me at the same time...and I have a mantle. I think I will do that. So, don't tell. Shalom

Lost in Time

As it appears I will be out of pocket tomorrow, and today is almost gone, I think I am lost in time. Not only lost in time, but lost in mind as I have wandered around today doing bits and pieces and not really getting stuck into anything of substance. Did a lot of odds and ends, though. Funny how our odds and ends end up being a whole day. Tomorrow is a day full of conversation, decision making, praying, thinking and trying to make life better for some church or minister. It is always a stressful day when we have COM meeting, because there are so many people depending on our choice of action. It is always a day I feel a great weight, but know that God leads the way makes it ok. So maybe having a stressless day today was a good thing.

On Our Turf

Having been led to the site that showed the squirrel that held up the ballgame, I enjoyed watching him scoot all over the field and getting belly down and tail up. Cute he was. But it set me wondering. Poor thing, he had no idea where he was and the context of the moment. All he wanted was to find some peanuts and go somewhere quiet to eat them. I can imagine the thoughts that were going through his mind when he saw those giants coming at him dressed in white with a big hand taking a swipe at him. "Where do they want me to go?" must have been running through his mind.
How often do we get in a position that is out of context for us and how do we react. We don't know which way to go and what is expected of us. Put us on our own turf and we know exactly what to do and how to do it. But others enter our turf and don't know how to operate. Are we helpful or do we chase them around like the squirrel, expecting them to read our minds and know how to perform.
Next time a stranger enters our area, we should put ourselves in their place and make sure they are not cute squirrels, but invited guests who have been given the rules of behavior. It seems a lot of problems could be solved.
But then, sometimes shaking up the scene can bring about interesting change.

Good Friends

Good friends are a blessing. We move away from them, we get too busy, we change direction, we lose touch...
But the doorbell rings and though you haven't seen them for a long time, it is like you saw them yesterday. No small talk, no excuses, no recriminations, no fencing....just hugs and talk. Talk about far out subjects. Talk about family. Talk about the world in general. Talk about esoteric matters. As we age, talk about diseases and general health issues, but without morbid conversation, just general information.
Now, that is a good friend. Not that we have many of them in our lives, but the ones we have are precious and need to be cherished. Not that a good friend needs cherishing, they don't expect it or even want it, but when they are gone...there is a big hole in your heart and your life and you wish you had been more cherishing. Then the smile begins and you know that is foolish talk. You cherished them enough or they wouldn't be good friends. So, no recriminations, no do overs, no what ifs, just thanks for the grace they brought into our lives and the grace we extended into their lives. After all, that is grace received, grace given and grace multiplied.

Every once in awhile, a little thing can make your day and make you smile when you think you are having the worst day possible. I went for lunch today at the drugstore and was sitting at the counter trying to decide what to eat. I looked at all the sandwiches, salad, chips, cookies, candy and soup. Suddenly my attention was drawn to a basket with metal boxes that looked a lot like pencil boxes. On the outside of the box was a name I instantly recognized. WHITMAN As I zeroed in on the smaller print, I realized it was a box of 4 chocolates and it was marked down 50%. As usual I looked on the back of the box for a calory count and guess what? Those four cholocates had fewer calories than that pimento cheese sandwich. So, my lunch was chocolates, and I am happier now than I have been for a couple of days.
We just have to know what turns our happy side on and go with it some times. I still have two of those chocolates and will make them last all afternoon. Then I will have a box to keep something in and that box will remind me of the chocolates I enjoyed today. The sandwich might have nourished me, staved off the hunger, but it would never have soothed my soul. God made chocolate and we should use His gifts, wisely. I am grateful for the gift of chocolate.

Truth in Packaging

Have you ever bought something you thought was one thing and after opening the package found out that it was something entirely different. Those of you who know me will understand my frustration today after lunch when someone gave me a piece of candy wrapped in a brown wrapper with a pink swirl that said strawberry & creme. Well....it was wrapped in brown paper...it should have been at least part chocolate. NOT SO...it was hard like a peppermint but didn't even have the good grace to be peppermint...it was strawberry. Yuk.
Think about how we package our lives. Do we practice truth in packaging or do we put on one costume and then act like someone else? If we put on the packaging of kindness and then act unkind we confuse people. If we put on the packaging of a Christian and act unchristian, we are giving people the wrong opinion of Christianity.
But it is sometimes very difficult to live up to our package. Sometimes an agent builds us up as something we are not, or more than we can be, and brands us with a wrapping we can't live up to. That happens to us a lot, but I guess the best we can do it try to live up to the package and hope that we are received with more grace than I gave that poor piece of candy, when people are disappointed in us.
We should always build our own package so it looks as much like us as possible. One of my favorite quotes, "To thine ownself be true and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Hamlet, Shakespeare

Musical Evolution

However it is used...music seems to be a common denominator. I remember as a teenager that the radio was my main source of music. But my time with the radio had to be after school and before Dad came home to listen to the news and things like Amos and Andy. One Christmas my Mother gave me a simply gorgeous state of the art portable radio for my very own. Wow, that was fantastic. I could plug it in or use it on 8 D batteries. It was probably 8" tall, 12" long and 3 or 4 " thick. It had a cute silver antenna that folded down and a handle for carrying. I was in hog heaven. My favorite station in Tulsa played great music like "The Thing", "Little White Cloud that Cried", "Gypsy", "Purple People Eater"...it was great. I also had a record player and it was a special treat to have a new record. I saved my $2 to buy the 78 rpm single of "Neon Lights" and on the way home, I put it on the floor of the car and my foot hit it and it broke. I was devestated. Before we arrived home, Mother had turned around and took me back and gave me the $2 to buy another copy. My parents did not waste money and they did not let me off for things that were my own fault, but she recognized that for some reason, that music was what I needed to soothe my savage soul that day.
So now we have Ipods that take up less room than the pack of Chesterfields I kept hidden in my Dad's old golf bag in the garage. People seem even more hooked into them than I was to my music. Probably because it would not be possible to carry that old portable around all day. My children had cassette players and 8tracks for their cars. Now it is music on the computer, through the earphones, in the car, everywhere we go...music, music, music.
But still it soothes the savage beast in us. Maybe it stirs it up in some, but for me it is soothing and a way to cope with anything that comes my way. Whatever my mood or problem, music helps smooth the path.
Now that's a big piece of grace as I see it. Everyone needs access to their music. Enjoy...I certainly will take pleasure in your enjoyment as well as my own.

The Swamp

I have been re-reading George Thompson's 'ALLIGATORS IN THE SWAMP' and it is more interesting the third time around. You would think by now that I understood it all, but alas, not so. As he says, a swamp is made up of layers. The stuff up on the shore that is there for all to see and understand. He says alligators survive because they know that what happens on the shore is only part of the swamp.
The next layer is swimming in the water. This is where we explain what is on the shore. This makes sense of our shore stuff.
But we finally come to the mud. It suports our swamp and is hidden well below our view. But it holds the key to our character, the beliefs that are deeply held and not always spoken about. We are defined by our mud.
This is true of ourselves, our churches and our culture. I am not sure what the implications are for me, but I know the alligators who swim in my swamp must know the mud pretty well.
Shalom

graceless gracenotes abound

Perhaps the title of my blog has confused you. I am a Presbyterian who fully believes in grace. The grace of God in my life, the grace of others for me and the world, my own offering of grace which is not always forthcoming. Things I have to work on. But I have no illusions that grace flowing from me is adequate or always abundant. I have no doubt about the grace of God flowing to me and anyone who wants it.
A gracenote is but a blip of the musical tongue. It is a minor notation that barely deserves a scratch of the pencil, but is important to more fully flesh out a piece of work. So my blog is just that. Not necessary, just a notation that fleshes out a piece of my world for someone who sees it. Not that it is important, or necessary and not even that it enhances that world. Just there, because I am here.
And that is what I am, just here for a short time and leaving little gracenotes (although sometimes 'graceless') behind for people to get a more complete sense of who I am.
Now, may God's grace be with us, on us, around us and in us. Shalom